1. One of my write up has been published in Iranian.com, the link is Losing time to technology, enjoy!
2. The following write up has taken from Aliex the girl site. I could not find the proper link to it so, I had to cut and paste it here, becasue I had it in my e-mail.
I truly enjoyed reading it:-)
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It wasn’t the clear blue sky with a light breeze and a back yard in which to enjoy it, nor was it the very unexpected and beautiful gift from my friend. It wasn’t a bath, a nap or tea or the fact that I found a fabulous skirt on sale at my favourite store.
It was just my choice to shift my attitude that has me in such a state of pure, simple, breezy relaxation, happiness most importantly possibility.
For the past seven months, I feel as though I’ve been in a thick fog made from sadness, negative situations, and a run of bad luck.
It started in January when I lost my two nieces, something that devastated me terribly and which I kept trying to recover from, but just couldn’t quite do it (especially since I had purchased their birthday gifts which ended up sitting in my closet as a reminder for 7 months). In February I went to Paris for my birthday which should have been nothing but fabulous (and, I assure you the night of my birthday and the night after – two of my favourites, ever) but I was terribly ill for the entire month due to an ovarian cyst which left me lethargic, sore and puffy.
March came and I realized a friend in the writing industry had used me and that there were just no bones about it. I had to struggle with this for a while along with other issues about the creative industry, which left me feeling sad, lonely and taken. It didn't help that I generally receivd hundreds of emails a day from people who demanded things from me (advice, time, money) and I was never replenished. So I spent so much time trying to help but being so drained by the process.
In April I realized I could no longer write for a living because it was far too lonely – after three years I missed people and I missed doing tactile things. I was also very bitter with creative people, the
fakeness, the copying, the phrases. I didn’t know what to leave writing for and began to feel like I was just drifting. I couldn’t go back to an office world but I couldn’t move forward as I was. It was all so trying.
May and June brought Chris studying like mad to graduate which had me feeling left out and strange. Throwing him a party for family members brought conflict and tiredness. I also broke out twice in a strange case of hives, which had me being rushed to emergency because I couldn’t breathe. Sadly, that didn’t bother me as much as the fact I had red welts all over my body and face.
July brought the most pain, I think. It would be the time I think I’ve been at my lowest. People started to party all night – every night – in our complex and when I asked them once at 3AM to be quiet, they came out to my door and slammed on it, threatening me with my life. The scary part was one of the girls worked in the leasing office and complained the main agent who told me to not harass people and that my rent was going to go up $150. This caused us to have to move in two days, which took money we didn’t have (since I haven’t really been working save for a few photographic travel assignments). My body was sore, my spirit was broken and I was angry. I felt pushed into a direction I didn’t want to go. When we did move, my body was so swollen and the place so overwhelming that I just ended up collapsing one afternoon only to have to get up the next day to unpack, settle and do more.
On top of all of this, I lost both my parents and had (and still do) a mentally ill half-sister who has been stalking and threatening me the entire time.
I felt that I kept getting hit every day from every direction. I had been trying for so long to hold on. But after months of it all and of me feeling trap to complaining, being negative and jumping on the life sucks bandwagon, I had no strength left. I had no magic left. I had no possibility left and my body and mind just gave out. Literally.
I was emotionally and physically drained, causing me to become like a zombie for a few days in my bed. This was more than wallowing; I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t do anything. The magic that I felt I once possessed – to see the world in a beautiful, charming way, to laugh at silly things, to be entertained easily, to deal with things and move forward, to be excited about the future and to feel possible, well, it seemed gone.
I thought this is it. This is how I am. I had a long run at having an amazing life and now I used it all up. There wasn’t anything left to do. I was in a city I didn’t like, in a house I was scared of, without family, without a job or career, with friends far gone and nothing to show. Seven months of things just hitting me without ever feeling like I caught a break, received a helping hand, had a bit of comfort, well, it was too much.
It wasn’t like me to complain but I had been bitching non-stop to Katrina about how I had to move and how I missed my pretty lake-view flat with painted walls and was now in a house that overwhelmed me and scared me. I complained about how hard everything had been and how I just felt lost. She let me whine for a while but then she wrote me an email that kicked my ass.
She said, “But think about all that you do have.
At first, I wanted to scream at her because I thought that wasn’t supportive. All that I have? Did she know the hell this year has been? But then I thought about it. And I thought some more. And I realized that despite every crap thing that happened – I am still here. I still have possibility, I still have adventures waiting, I still have the ability to see the beautiful and I have the determination to change everything I don’t like and accept what I can if I choose to believe in this way.
And that day changed everything.
I started to feel better about the house, realizing we had to do it and it’s only temporary until our move to Europe. And, in fact, I’ve been enjoying the yard so much (two hours worth of gardening and weeding each night. Rock star arms!). When the curtains went up, the candles came out and some paint went on the walls, it was home.
I started to make contacts for what I want to do, I went and got a new hair cut (a fringe! Sassy!), I got rid of the presents for my neices so that I'm no longer reminded each day, I got rid of some of my fathers old belongings and have stopped anticipating emails and calls from my mum. I began to relax and read for the first time in ages, I’ve been selling literally 1/2 of my belongings to get rid of the old so that I can move forward and I’ve just gotten over being poopy, disheveled, and a victim of all things crap.
Adjusting my attitude, knowing that how I view this life is my choice, of waking up, of making different choices on how I see things, has been the key to me getting off my arse and back to who I am – someone I haven’t seen since last year.
Things aren’t all cleared up, resolved or even easy but that’s OK for now because they’re not things that are going to stop me or ruin what I can possible have and do in the future. Because I’m choosing to rock out in spite of it all.
And that feels so good.
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